"If you understood everything I said, you'd be me" - Miles Davis
"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge." - Bertrand Russell
"Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government." - Lenny Bruce
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson
The Other Utility Fog
They link to me, I link to them, They link to me...
Safety Warning. Not for use as a stroller. May contain parts. Manufactured in a facility where one or more of the following may be present: Peanuts, almonds, unfiltered water, oxygen, ultaviolet and infrared radiation, sunlight. Use only as directed by your legal counsel. Do not use during earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, flooding or presidential election years. Use of handles may promote RSI, see your doctor or therapist before opening. May be flammable when exposed to open flame. Not for use as a stepping stool or adult seat. May cause injury if dropped from a height. Does not enable user to fly. Do not eat. If erection lasts for over 4 hours call friends and brag. Persons attempting to find a motive in this blog will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. We don't need no stinkin' badges. Same-day service. Unplug after use. Slippery when wet. Ignore this notice. Use only as directed. Consume in moderation. Lather, rinse, repeat. Your mileage may vary. For external use only. Don't try this at home. No purchase is necessary. You must be present to win. Do not think of an elephant. Other restrictions may apply. Apply only to affected areas. Part of a daily balanced diet. No shirt, no shoes, no service. You need not be present to win. No user-serviceable parts inside. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Offer void where prohibited by law. Do not remove under penalty of law. You have the right to remain silent. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Valid only at participating locations. Freshest if used before date specified. Prices subject to change without notice. Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate. Contents may have settled during shipment. Caution! The edge is closer than you think. In emergency, break glass, pull down handle. Product is sold by weight and not by volume. Do not use if safety seal is torn or missing. If condition persists, consult your physician. Detach and include upper portion with payment. Nutritional need is not established in humans. Objects on screen are closer than they appear. Satisfaction guaranteed; return for full refund. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. May be used as flotation device in case of emergency. Please note locations of emergency exits upon arrival. No animals were harmed in the production of this page. Caution: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Please leave as clean on leaving as you would like to find on entering. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Do not use if you have ever had an allergic reaction to this product or any of its ingredients.
Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs.
The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogsphere, ISP?s or other features, natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on the Web. E-commerce is not the mall. It can be, and is, steep, slippery and dangerous. Web features made or enhanced by humans, such as firewalls and spam filters (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. The web is unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.
Stay on trusted sites whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and an APU at all times.
Ads for things you don't want and other objectionable content can arrive from nowhere. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people around you that are being used as bots. Spam and disgusting images of all sizes, including huge images, can arrive, or pop-up with no warning. Use of spam filters is advised for anyone approaching the Internet. They can be purchased or rented from us. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on a port you left open. A whole DOS attack might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.
Public opinion can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra damage control, including press releases. Ticking off the blogsphere can kill you. The Streisand effect can turn a simple nastygram into a deathtrap.
If you make hasty comments about those in high places (making unsupported comments that reduce the image of a person, often posted quickly and without thinking) without proper thought and, or allow your employees to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be sued for libel. It happens all the time.
We do not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people on the web, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly malware and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.
If you surf at work, you may become pre-occupied with it. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, surfing at work is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, surf at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not track how much time you surf at work (although we could if we wanted to.) As far as we know, your employer may find out and send you plunging to unemployment. There are countless tons of loose management staff ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the Web, and elsewhere on the Internet. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.
Rescue services are not provided by us, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local computer geeks may not be equipped for or trained in hard drive recovery. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to get rid of a virus or find that deleted file, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes your local computer store. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.
By entering our site, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THIS SITE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!
Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
Caution: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour.
Consumer Notice: Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Known as 'Tunneling,' This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain Suggested Versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting This Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a 'Gluing' Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are 'Rolled Up' into Such a Small 'Area' That They Cannot Be Detected.
Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
Important Notice to Purchasers: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Reemerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot be Guaranteed.
Use inside a nuclear power facility voids warranty.
Sun-Apr 30 2006
More Grist For The November Mill
""The Wall Street Journal" reported today that indicted former California Congressman Randall "Duke" Cunningham may not have limited his good times to partying on a rented yacht. It turns out the FBI is currently investigating two defense contractors who allegedly provided Cunningham with free limousine service, free stays at hotel suites at the Watergate and the Westin Grand, and free prostitutes.Red Lights on Capitol Hill?
Via Daily Kos
Sat-Apr 29 2006
Lost / Season 2 Finale
ABC has published the blurb for the Lost Season 2 finale
""Live Together, Die Alone" - After discovering something odd just offshore, Jack and Sayid come up with a plan to confront "The Others" and hopefully get Walt back. Meanwhile, Eko and Locke come to blows as Locke makes a potentially cataclysmic decision regarding the "button" and the hatch, on the season finale of "Lost," WEDNESDAY, MAY 24 (9:00-11:00 p.m., ET), on the ABC Television Network. "Wait a minute, Jack and Sayid discover something and actually follow up on it? Will wonders never cease?
Lost / Theories
I like Eye M Sick's Lost theory. I don't know if it's true, but it does link up various clues like Magnus Hanso, Alvar Hanso, the Degroots, the Black Rock, and the island's electromagnetic properties into a coherent whole. I especially like how he uses Albertus Magnus to tie the whole thing together:
"To review, Albertus was a brilliant religious scholar who lived during the thirteenth century and was a major influence on Thomas Aquinas. As cinamin and sgtdraino have noted, the name "Magnus" wasn't an honorific but rather a literal translation of his family name, DeGroot.
Thu-Apr 27 2006
Wed-Apr 26 2006
Tue-Apr 25 2006
Lost/ The Lost Experience and "?"
Sometime during "Two for the Road" (airing May 3rd) there will be a toll-free-number leading to the first clue to the summer Lost web treasure hunt. From what I've heard the phone number may appear in a commercial. Source: The TailSection
More info from ABC News via The Lost Blog
""Lost" fans around the world will get a chance to start unlocking secrets about the mysterious island that has become an international obsession.
The official blurb for "?" (episode #221-May 10th) is up at ABC Medianet
"?" - Mr. Eko enlists Locke to help find a secret location he believes houses answers to the island's mysteries. Meanwhile, Jack and the other survivors struggle to cope with the horrific situation in the hatch, on "Lost," WEDNESDAY, MAY 10 (9:00-10:01 p.m., ET), on the ABC Television Network.What "horrific situation"? Is it the dreaded "infection"? Did the button finally go really unpushed? O'Henry took a hostage? Maybe they're finally out of cornflakes.
My guess?......The ranch dressing--It's ALIVE!
Mon-Apr 24 2006
"Snowclone is a neologism used to describe a type of formula-based cliché which uses an old idiom in a new context. The term emphasizes the use of a familiar (and often particular) formula and previous cultural knowledge of the reader to express information about an idea. The idea being discussed is usually contextually different in meaning from the original use of that formula, but can be understood using the same trope as the original formula was used. "Snowclone" has been described as an internet meme due to its frequent use on blogs which are critical of journalism.Wikipedia: Snowclone
Wikipedia: List of Snowclones
Via Exploding Aardvark
AskMetafilter considers How can I measure the weight of my head without cutting it off?
Sat-Apr 22 2006
Click At Your Own Risk
Update: It just stopped. Another one of life's mysteries.
Fri-Apr 21 2006
Thu-Apr 20 2006
Something New Every Day
I had no idea there was a camera angle called The Dutch Tilt. When I first saw the phrase I thought it was a confidence scam.
Wed-Apr 19 2006
Lost / Alternate Reality Game
From The TailSection:
"ABC, Channel 4 Television in the U.K, and Australia Channel 7 will launch the 'Lost Experience,' a revolutionary interactive experience based on the international hit television series, 'Lost'. Working together, more than 30 broadcasters from Europe, Africa, Asia Pacific and the Middle East will release clues with new information regarding the mystery and mythology of the island featured in the series. Fans looking to solve the puzzle will find audio, video, and text clues in locations around the world, along with an online community in which to connect and collaborate with others. Just like any other good mystery, clues can and will happen anywhere at anytime across multiple platforms.And I found the LOST experience: A Guide to the LOST: Alternate Reality Game
"The LOST Experience is an Alternate Reality Game that is supposed to begin sometime in May, 2006 based on the hit television show LOST, on ABC.
Sat-Apr 15 2006
"ATF agents are always on alert for anything suspicious - including ninjas.In related news, President Bush announced that he has authorized Homeland Security to use lethel force in order to combat the annual "Halloween Menace".
ATF rids Univ. of ninja threat
Via robot wisdom weblog
Fri-Apr 14 2006
" Key figures in a phone-jamming scheme designed to keep New Hampshire Democrats from voting in 2002 had regular contact with the White House and Republican Party as the plan was unfolding, phone records introduced in criminal court show.Official convicted of phone jamming called White House
Thu-Apr 13 2006
Lost / Ep #219-"S.O.S.
Sorta-Spoilery goodness after the space
O'Henry is running a con on the Losties. The Others made a deal with Danielle to get him into the hatch. What I can't fiqure out is what he's going to get the Losties to do.
The Long Con: "It works by getting someone to ask you to do something like it's their idea, but it's not their idea, it's your idea."
Michael is either brainwashed, or more likely, conned by the Others. They put on a another dog and beard show for him.
I even suspect the blast door diagram of being an Other misinformation plant.
Utility Fog's comment system now rejects the chuckleheads who have been spamming me with crappy prescription drug ads. It only took a half-hour, even with my almost nonexistent Perl skills, so it will be easy to revamp if the problem reoccurs
If the Utility Fog comments system doesn't work it's because I'm hacking it to reject some comment spam. Wish me luck
I Feel So Much Safer Now Dept.
"A Minnesota reservist who spent the past eight months in Iraq was told he couldn't board a plane to Minneapolis because his name appeared on a "no-fly" list as a possible terrorist. Marine Staff Sgt. Daniel Brown, who was in uniform and returning from the war with 26 other Marine military police reservists, was delayed briefly in Los Angeles until the issue was cleared up.""No-fly" list delays Marine's Iraq homecoming
Wed-Apr 12 2006
Lost / It's The Blimp, Frank
Mon-Apr 10 2006
Sun-Apr 09 2006
"During a hearing before the House Judiciary Committee today, Rep. Adam B. Schiff (D-CA) questioned Attorney General Alberto Gonzales about the NSA's secret domestic wiretapping program. The Administration has cited the Authorization to Use Military Force and the commander in chief powers as authorizing the NSA to intercept international communications into and out of the U.S. of persons linked to al Qaeda or related terrorist organizations.Attorney General won't rule out domestic warrantless wiretaps
Via Boing Boing
Lost / Misc
Building your own Swan hatch under the backyard? AskMetafilter considers where to get a hatch clock
The Lost Blog takes up the equations in the blast door diagram/map
I got more lame comments spam-clearly changing the comments link to a button had no effect. Looks like it's time to try hacking Pollxn.
"Bush's apologists still seem to think this is about the President's power to declassify. That's not the issue here. It's about a lie.It Was Bush's Lie, NOT Bush's Leak
Lost / Henry Gale's Balloon
The TailSection has shots of the balloon's burners featuring a "Widmore Labs" logo. We've seen Widmore before on Sun's pregnancy test and a construction sign in Charlie's London. There's also a off-set picture of the balloon's gondola with Henry's company name-"Minnesota Metallurgy & Mining" plus a link between Hurley and Gale: a sponsorship logo from "Mr. Clucks Chicken". There is also a logo for a cola with a brand name I can't make out.
And They All Sound Dirty
I've had a little bit of comment spam lately so I've changed the "Comments" link into a graphic button. Mayhaps this won't be found by Russian gambling internet spyders.
" A man with no arms was caught speeding at 121km/h yesterday - using one foot to steer and the other to operate the pedals.121km/h is approx. 75mph. I assume he was driving an automatic
Armless man caught steering car with foot at 121km/h
Via Fortean Times - Breaking News
Sat-Apr 08 2006
Lost / Ep#220 "Two for the Road"
NOLA Not OK
Poppy Z. Brite:
New Orleans is Not OK
Leaking In The Wrong Place
"The press corps-and bloggers-will likely compile a yards-long list of occasions when the president has denounced leaking, but it's worth asking the philosophical question: Can the president even be a leaker? For a leak to be real, it has to be unsanctioned. Once a piece of secret information gets unwrapped (by the president no less), it's not a leak, it's part of a communications strategy. It's national policy. So, maybe he's not a leaker.We've Found the Leaker in the White House!
Via Q Daily News
Because Osama Loves Zeppelin
"A mobile phone salesman was hauled off a plane and questioned for three hours as a terror suspect - because he listened to songs by The Clash and Led Zeppelin.'Playing The Clash made me a terror suspect'
Reject All Cookies
Thu-Apr 06 2006
Lost / Episode #218-"Dave"
Lost / Odds and Sods
Wed-Apr 05 2006
My Horn I Toot
Utility Fog Blog has passed 50,000 visitors. My mind, it is a boggling. But judging from the overwhelming theme of the search terms in my site logs, once Lost ends I'll go back to the depths of obscurity from whence I came. Oh well, it'll be a sweet ride while it lasts. Now onto the clues hidden in Kate's freckles....
Mon-Apr 03 2006
Lost / Schedule
From The Tail Section, here's the schedule (I hope) for the rest of the season:
LOST Season 2 Episode 18 - "Dave" (Hurley-centric)I don't know where they got this-I've searched in vain for an official ABC schedule.
"The Homeland Security Department is losing top managers and rank-and-file employees in a brain drain that could affect morale and the nation's safety, according to members of Congress and labor experts.Yup, "Republicans-strong on Defense Issues"
Brain drain hits Homeland Security
Via robot wisdom weblog
Sun-Apr 02 2006
And Now They're On Death Row
"Texas has begun sending undercover agents into bars to arrest drinkers for being drunk, a spokeswoman for the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission said on Wednesday.Texas arresting people in bars for being drunk
Lost / Upcoming web-sites
From the blast door: "LOW RELEVANCE TO VALENZETTI-RELATED RESEARCH ACTIVITY"
These domains were registered before "Lockdown" aired, indicating inside knowledge of the contents of the blast door diagram. The official Lost Podcast for March 28, 2006 reveals that there will be new internet material that will advance the story and keep our withdrawal pangs at bay during the break between seasons. Specifically, The Hanso Foundation Site isn't permanently down, just being renovated.
My Hit Counter Made Two-Million
In the April Fools tradition of "Iraq has WMDs":