"If you understood everything I said, you'd be me" - Miles Davis
"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge." - Bertrand Russell
"Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government." - Lenny Bruce
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson

Utility Fog Banner

Pot Calls Kettle Black
"President Bush's new line of attack is that John Kerry is a man of few achievements.

"My opponent has good intentions," the president said

This might be a plausible line of attack coming from another opponent. Unlike, say, Russ Feingold or Ted Kennedy, there's no prominent piece of legislation with Kerry's name on it, though admirers of Kerry point to his critical role in a series of high-profile Senate investigations.

But coming from George W. Bush? A guy whose handlers had to get some of the more gullible run of journalists to refer to his life before he turned forty as his 'lost years'?

I mean, even if you grant that Bush's presidency has been a tenure of transcendent achievement (and it has undoubtedly been eventful), it's a bit hard to get around the fact that even by his own account he spent his first five decades kicking back, living off family connections and playing solitaire.

It's certainly true that Mr. Kerry said certain things in his war protestor days that can now be used against him with some audiences. But until he was well into middle-age President Bush's most noteworthy public utterances seem to have been limited to various invocations and inflections of 'par-TAY' and reciting the alphabet under legal compulsion. "
Link


Don't That Beat All
Steven Seagal's first album is out. He can sing better than he acts.
Via Fark

Deep Thoughts Cheap
If, as Keats says, Beauty is truth, and truth is beauty then what exactly are ugly people lying about?

Doppelganger
I've found a third blog named Utility Fog. The second one belongs to a show on an independent radio station in Sydney, Australia, while the new one seems to be the work of someone in the South of England. I can hardly be concerned about them encroaching on my rather nebulous blog-territory/name recognition: They started 4 months after I did, they post about as often as racoons juggle, and they most telling, they don't even show up on Google. In any case I welcome them to the "Worldwide League of Blogs Named Utility Fog".

Good News
Booknotes, one of my favorite blogs is back from losing it's hosting.

I Want One
My Little Borg Pony
Via #!/usr/bin/girl/

Helping To End That Nasty Blood Glut
"Scientists at the Voronezh State Technological Academy have developed a method for processing blood and turning it into food products such as milk, yogurt, chocolate, and coffee, Interfax quotes the academy's administration as saying."
Link
Via MemeMachineGo!

Hee
Billionaires For Bush
Via everlasting blort

Lovely
Cat Butt Refrigerator Magnets
Via Geisha Asobi

Buying Science
Climate change skeptics funded by Exxon:
"60/Sixty Plus Association
Accuracy in Academia
Accuracy in Media
Acton Institute for the Study of Religion and Liberty
Air Quality Standards Coalition
Alexis de Tocqueville Institution
Alliance for Climate Strategies
American Coal Foundation
American Council for Capital Formation Center for Policy Research
American Council on Science and Health
American Enterprise Institute for Public Policy Research
American Enterprise Institute-Brookings Joint Center for Regulatory Studies
American Legislative Exchange Council
American Petroleum Institute
American Policy Center
American Recreation Coalition
Americans for Tax Reform
Arizona State University Office of Cimatology
Association of Concerned Taxpayers
Atlantic Legal Foundation
Atlas Economic Research Foundation
Blue Ribbon Coalition
Capital Legal Foundation
Capital Research Center and Greenwatch
Cato Institute
Center for American and International Law
Center for Environmental Education Research
Center for Security Policy
Center for Strategic and International Studies
Center for the Defense of Free Enterprise
Center for the New West
Center for the Study of Carbon Dioxide and Global Change
Centre for the New Europe
Chemical Education Foundation
Citizens for A Sound Economy and CSE Educational Foundation
Citizens for the Environment and CFE Action Fund
Clean Water Industry Coalition
Committee for a Constructive Tomorrow
Competitive Enterprise Institute
Congress of Racial Equality
Consumer Alert
Cooler Heads Coalition
Council for Solid Waste Solutions
Defenders of Property Rights
ECO or Environmental Conservation Organization
ExxonMobil Corporation
Federalist Society for Law and Public Policy Studies
Foundation for Research on Economics and the Environment
Fraser Institute
Free Enterprise Action Institute
Frontiers of Freedom Institute and Foundation
George C. Marshall Institute
George Mason University, Law and Economics Center
Global Climate Coalition
Great Plains Legal Foundation
Greening Earth Society
Harvard Center for Risk Analysis
Heartland Institute
Heritage Foundation
Hoover Institution on War, Revolution and Peace, Stanford University
Hudson Institute
Illinois Policy Institute
Independent Commission on Environmental Education
Independent Institute
Institute for Biospheric Research
Institute for Energy Research
Institute for Regulatory Science
Institute for the Study of Earth and Man
International Council for Capital Formation
International Policy Network - North America
International Republican Institute
James Madison Institute
Junkscience.com
Landmark Legal Foundation
Lexington Institute
Mackinac Center
Manhattan Institute for Policy Research
Media Institute
Media Research Center
Mercatus Center, George Mason University
Mountain States Legal Foundation
National Black Chamber of Commerce
National Center for Policy Analysis
National Center for Public Policy Research
National Council for Environmental Balance
National Environmental Policy Institute
National Legal Center for the Public Interest
National Policy Forum
National Wetlands Coalition
National Wilderness Institute
New England Legal Foundation
Pacific Legal Foundation
Pacific Research Institute for Public Policy
Property and Environment Research Center, formerly Political Economy Research Center
Reason Foundation
Reason Public Policy Institute
Science and Environmental Policy Project
Seniors Coalition
Small Business Survival Committee
Southeastern Legal Foundation
Stanford University GCEP
Statistical Assessment Service (STATS)
Tech Central Science Foundation or Tech Central Station
Texas Public Policy Foundation
The Advancement of Sound Science Center, Inc.
The Advancement of Sound Science Coalition
The Annapolis Center for Science-Based Public Policy
The Justice Foundation (formerly Texas Justice Foundation)
United for Jobs
US Russia Business Council
Washington Legal Foundation
Weidenbaum Center on the Economy, Government, and Public Policy
World Climate Report"
Link
Via TheViridian Mailing List

Brown Equals Terrorist
Take pictures of a train bridge and let the fun begin.
"So, why have I gone to such great lengths to write about all of this? Well, as the saying goes, if I don't laugh, I'll cry. In an all too literal sense, it seems like it's getting harder for me to be comfortable in my own skin, which is about as difficult to admit as it is to convey. I honestly don't know what to say to family and friends, except that I'm still embarrassed, angry and utterly heartbroken over these events. I've lived in Ballard for over ten years now, and I've lived in the Seattle area all my life. Now I'll have to make an effort to going back to feeling safe and free in my own neighborhood. And the worst part is that I can't stop wondering how long it will be before I have my next altercation with the Seattle Police, or Homeland Security, or something else, simply for looking the way I do and carrying a camera. I've been persued, detained and interrogated twice, just in my first quarter of photography classes, and in both of those instances I was on public property, in areas well known for their high volumes of tourist traffic. Dear God, I really don't want to think about what might happen to me without witnesses around, or when I finally get to work on those industrial studies in the photojournalism class. All I can try to do at this moment is raise local awareness about this issue, and look for a way to make a constructive contribution within this bizarre social and political climate."
Link
Via Boing Boing!

So Where Do You Work?
I Used To Fuck People Like You In Prison Records


Educational
Sneeze tries Natto, so we don't have to.
"I force-fed myself a big ol' spoonful, and found it to be slightly rancid and extremely bitter. Unfortunately, swallowing didn't help dissipate the flavor because the strings of bean jizz melted, coating my mouth and lips with a glistening sheen of sadness.

The entire experience is difficult to describe, but if you can remember back to the very first time you made out with a hobo's ass, it's a lot like that."
Link
Via Octopus Dropkick

No, I Entered "Buggered", And I Meant "Buggered"

google buggered

For the life of me I cannot imagine why the normally perfect Google thinks that the word "tried" is an acceptable alternative to the word "buggered".
And nevermind why I was googling the phrase "buggered to death by bears".
Link


Self-annihilating Sentances
"I am a firm believer in optimism; because if you don't have optimism, what else is there?

Public transportation is so shocking to the individual that it should only be done in private.

Why should I consider your questions, when you don't even know the answers?

The trouble with you is that there's nothing wrong with you.

The only subway car fit to travel is a private one.

Just because I have nothing to say is no reason why you shouldn't listen.

How do you expect me to do something original if you won't tell me what?

The last time I took advice, it only worked because I changed it.

How do you expect me to ignore you when you're never around?

Health foods make me sick.

I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.

Please - I can only ignore one thing at a time. "
More
Via Jerry Kindall

Hoot
"Top Ten George W. Bush Complaints About "Fahrenheit 9/11"

10. That actor who played the President was totally unconvincing

9. It oversimplified the way I stole the election

8. Too many of them fancy college-boy words

7. If Michael Moore had waited a few months, he could have included the part where I get him deported

6. Didn't have one of them hilarious monkeys who smoke cigarettes and gives people the finger

5. Of all Michael Moore's accusations, only 97% are true

4. Not sure - - I passed out after a piece of popcorn lodged in my windpipe

3. Where the hell was Spider-man?

2. Couldn't hear most of the movie over Cheney's foul mouth

1. I thought this was supposed to be about Dodgeball "
Link
Via Skippy the Bush Kangaroo via Nitpicker

Now We're Talking Entertainment
Ladies and Gentlemen, the naked Judas Priest cover band Nudist Priest
Via Unfogged

Cui Bono?
"Oil revenues from Iraq, the money Bush has repeatedly claimed belongs to the Iraqi people, totals more than $20 billion to date. Almost none of that money has made its way to the Iraqi people, or to the rebuilding of infrastructure, but has instead been redirected to the U.S. and British corporations which basically control the Coalition Provisional Authority. The contracts diverting these funds to these corporations are binding, and cannot be changed even if the 'sovereign' Iraqi government decides the money could better be spent elsewhere. For the time being, despite the billions of dollars coming out of Iraq' s oil industry, the diversion of funds created by these CPA contracts means that most of the money for the rebuilding of Iraqi infrastructure will come from American taxpayers by way of the U.S. Congress. According to a report by the BBC, most of the $20 billion cannot be accounted for at this time. The party is not likely to end soon; since oil production began, only 2,300 wells have been drilled in Iraq, compared with about 1 million in Texas. A large part of the country remains virtually unexplored. "
Link
Via Ethel The Blog

This Doesn't Look Good
"Cheney, who visited both clubhouses after batting practice, watched part of the game from the box of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and part from a first-row seat next to the Yankees dugout, where he sat between New York Gov. George Pataki and former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. Cheney was booed when he was shown on the right-field videoboard during the seventh-inning stretch."
Link
Via AMERICAblog by way of Eschaton

Awol
Everything you could ever want to know about GWB's military service, and lack thereof:
"An examination of the Bush military files within the context of US Statutory Law, Department of Defense regulations, and Air Force policies and procedures of that era lead to a single conclusion: George W. Bush was considered a deserter by the United States Air Force.

After Bush quit TXANG, he still had nine months of his six-year military commitment left to serve. As a result, Bush became a member of the Air Force Reserves and was transferred to the authority of the Air Reserve Personnel Center (ARPC) in Denver, Colorado. Because this was supposed to be a temporary assignment, ARPC had to review Bush?s records to determine where he should ultimately be assigned. That examination would have led to three conclusions: That Bush had ?failed to satisfactorily participate? as defined by United States law and Air Force policy, that TXANG could not account for Bush?s actions for an entire year, and that Bush?s medical records were not up to date. Regardless of what actions ARPC contemplated when reviewing Bush?s records, all options required that Bush be certified as physically fit to serve, or as unfit to serve. ARPC thus had to order Bush to get a physical examination, for which Bush did not show up. ARPC then designated Bush as AWOL and a ?non-locatee? (i.e. a deserter) who had failed to satisfactorily participate in TXANG, and certified him for immediate induction through his local draft board. Once the Houston draft board got wind of the situation, strings were pulled; and documents were generated which directly contradict Air Force policy, and which were inconsistent with the rest of the records released by the White House."
Link
Via Eschaton