"If you understood everything I said, you'd be me" - Miles Davis
"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge." - Bertrand Russell
"Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government." - Lenny Bruce
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson
The Other Utility Fog
They link to me, I link to them, They link to me...
Safety Warning. Not for use as a stroller. May contain parts. Manufactured in a facility where one or more of the following may be present: Peanuts, almonds, unfiltered water, oxygen, ultaviolet and infrared radiation, sunlight. Use only as directed by your legal counsel. Do not use during earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, flooding or presidential election years. Use of handles may promote RSI, see your doctor or therapist before opening. May be flammable when exposed to open flame. Not for use as a stepping stool or adult seat. May cause injury if dropped from a height. Does not enable user to fly. Do not eat. If erection lasts for over 4 hours call friends and brag. Persons attempting to find a motive in this blog will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. We don't need no stinkin' badges. Same-day service. Unplug after use. Slippery when wet. Ignore this notice. Use only as directed. Consume in moderation. Lather, rinse, repeat. Your mileage may vary. For external use only. Don't try this at home. No purchase is necessary. You must be present to win. Do not think of an elephant. Other restrictions may apply. Apply only to affected areas. Part of a daily balanced diet. No shirt, no shoes, no service. You need not be present to win. No user-serviceable parts inside. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Offer void where prohibited by law. Do not remove under penalty of law. You have the right to remain silent. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Valid only at participating locations. Freshest if used before date specified. Prices subject to change without notice. Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate. Contents may have settled during shipment. Caution! The edge is closer than you think. In emergency, break glass, pull down handle. Product is sold by weight and not by volume. Do not use if safety seal is torn or missing. If condition persists, consult your physician. Detach and include upper portion with payment. Nutritional need is not established in humans. Objects on screen are closer than they appear. Satisfaction guaranteed; return for full refund. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. May be used as flotation device in case of emergency. Please note locations of emergency exits upon arrival. No animals were harmed in the production of this page. Caution: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Please leave as clean on leaving as you would like to find on entering. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Do not use if you have ever had an allergic reaction to this product or any of its ingredients.
Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs.
The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogsphere, ISP?s or other features, natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on the Web. E-commerce is not the mall. It can be, and is, steep, slippery and dangerous. Web features made or enhanced by humans, such as firewalls and spam filters (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. The web is unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.
Stay on trusted sites whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and an APU at all times.
Ads for things you don't want and other objectionable content can arrive from nowhere. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people around you that are being used as bots. Spam and disgusting images of all sizes, including huge images, can arrive, or pop-up with no warning. Use of spam filters is advised for anyone approaching the Internet. They can be purchased or rented from us. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on a port you left open. A whole DOS attack might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.
Public opinion can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra damage control, including press releases. Ticking off the blogsphere can kill you. The Streisand effect can turn a simple nastygram into a deathtrap.
If you make hasty comments about those in high places (making unsupported comments that reduce the image of a person, often posted quickly and without thinking) without proper thought and, or allow your employees to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be sued for libel. It happens all the time.
We do not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people on the web, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly malware and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.
If you surf at work, you may become pre-occupied with it. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, surfing at work is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, surf at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not track how much time you surf at work (although we could if we wanted to.) As far as we know, your employer may find out and send you plunging to unemployment. There are countless tons of loose management staff ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the Web, and elsewhere on the Internet. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.
Rescue services are not provided by us, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local computer geeks may not be equipped for or trained in hard drive recovery. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to get rid of a virus or find that deleted file, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes your local computer store. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.
By entering our site, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THIS SITE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!
Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
Caution: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour.
Consumer Notice: Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Known as 'Tunneling,' This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain Suggested Versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting This Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a 'Gluing' Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are 'Rolled Up' into Such a Small 'Area' That They Cannot Be Detected.
Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
Important Notice to Purchasers: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Reemerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot be Guaranteed.
Use inside a nuclear power facility voids warranty.
Thu-Oct 30 2003
I don't know if this is abstract scupture or unfinished construction.
I like the sky.
Wed-Oct 29 2003
The parents of four boys adopted from New Jersey's troubled foster care system were arrested Friday, two weeks after police found that the youngsters, ages 9 to 19, had been so starved that none weighed more than 50 pounds, the Camden County prosecutor said yesterday.Link
Tue-Oct 28 2003
My Kind of Holiday Music
We returned to the studio with a bigger-than-ever cast of actors and professional singers. Thrill to the magnificent sounds of the Dagon Tabernacle Choir. Marvel at the exsquisite harmonies of the Arkham Carolers. Tap your tentacles along with the Dunwich Children's Chorale. All twenty-five numbers are professionally produced and recorded with the same maniacal care that made A Shoggoth on the Roof such a disturbing achievement in musical theatre. From beatific choirs to maniacal mariachis, there's something for everyone in this first-ever CD of Lovecraftian Solstice Carols.Link via the Big MoBoDaddy
Fri-Oct 24 2003
The Arabian Insult Generator.
May you have nightmares in which violent late night talk show hosts dig a 40 foot hole and fill it with pennies behind your scrotum.
May 32 freaky Fraggles choke on Popples using only vaseline and your jock strap.
May a mob of aerodynamic heart surgeons advance to Boardwalk with sharp chedder cheese over your two piece swim suit.
May a barrel of bad tempered Amway Salesmen view a porno called Debbie Does coffee beans while having a bowel movement on your delicious Stuffed Crust Pizza.
May a molar quanity of nacho cheese covered rabbis belch Saran Wrap in your moistened Bud Light.
May a gallon of kleptomaniac taxi drivers lick your lice-infested lime jello under your hairy piece of Big Red chewing gum.
May a molar quanity of of my favorite unix system administrators use Nads hair remover on dust bunnies after sabotaging your recommended daily allowance of snot rag.
May 999 freaky Iowa Hawkeye Football Players cover themselves in rabid dogs after pledging allegiance to your delicate neighbor.
May 2,000 skanky SWBell technical support play hide and go give the Heimlich to eggnog after setting fire to your wart covered arch nemesis, The Queen of England.
May a quartet of Klingon toll booth operators place their buttocks on the office copying machine next to their own hands after being forced to smell your expensive revolving door.
May 2.5 wicked elephant men douche with Pez dispensers on your hairy dog.
May 777 former computer geeks "Keep It Real" with saltines under your dad's purse.
May a megabyte of flattened mummies insert trail mix outside your ingrown false teeth.
May 25,000,000 fresh corpses go down on monkeys while sniffing your chicken.
May a couple ill-tempered plumbers with butt-crack-itis play "hide the hand" with head cheese in an evil parallel universe of your prostate.
May an indeterminable amount of recovering alcoholic Bill Brasky impersonators genetically splice together several dingos with your sister while standing on your face.
May a barrel of ill-tempered elephant men take a pee on a rotting deer carcass after sabotaging your shriveled up decapitated head.
May a molar quanity of retarded toll booth operators explode into pieces of cat litter at a fund-raising event for your homemade twig 'n berries.
May a plethora of crispy gerbils blow up genitals with a hairy-bomb made from wired crazy glue while kicking your gold tooth.
May a quartet of beast-like ninjas swing a Nerf Crotch-Bat at strip malls while polishing your crooked barnyard animals.
May several special-ed computer geeks devour some eggnog after genetically cloning your liquified sailboat.
May 25,000,000 starving cretins invoke martial law on spicy chicken outside your deep fat fried Uncle Fester.
May a crowd of mutant half-Chauffs, half-husbands enjoy the classic kids story "Green Eggs and WonderBras" while they play spin the bottle with door nails out from underneath your lice-infested ear wax.
May a couple quadriplegic toll booth operators build up a tolerance to government agents while getting it on with your Swedish naughty area.
May 2,000 funkedified mummies fantasize about crayons outside your skull.
Thu-Oct 23 2003
If I were the Democratic Party, I would be hiring lawyers by the bushel
"A quiet revolution is taking place in US politics. By the time it's over, the integrity of elections will be in the unchallenged, unscrutinised control of a few large - and pro-Republican - corporations."Link
Tue-Oct 21 2003
The point is not that the President and his senior aides were consciously lying. What was taking place was much more systematic-and potentially just as troublesome. Kenneth Pollack, a former National Security Council expert on Iraq, whose book "The Threatening Storm" generally supported the use of force to remove Saddam Hussein, told me that what the Bush people did was "dismantle the existing filtering process that for fifty years had been preventing the policymakers from getting bad information. They created stovepipes to get the information they wanted directly to the top leadership. Their position is that the professional bureaucracy is deliberately and maliciously keeping information from them".I don't know if I feel any better knowing that they aren't liars, just stupid.
Sun-Oct 19 2003
Tue-Oct 14 2003
Why I Read Blogs
Because I can delight in stuff like this:
Saw Kill Bill this weekend.I'm going to see "Kill Bill", but I want to see it at midnight, and I want tequila.
"Returner" looks promising too.
Hearts and Minds
US soldiers driving bulldozers, with jazz blaring from loudspeakers, have uprooted ancient groves of date palms as well as orange and lemon trees in central Iraq as part of a new policy of collective punishment of farmers who do not give information about guerrillas attacking US troops.Link
Mon-Oct 13 2003
There's another Utility Fog, it's a radio show on a cool radio station in Sydney, Australia. Their archives only go back to August 2003, so I think I have precedence. I did a Google search when I started my blog in order to avoid just this sort of possible confusion. But hey, it's not like they're laying claim to my gold mine. I'm a big fan of independent radio-I think I'll give them a permanent link.
Sun-Oct 12 2003
Sat-Oct 11 2003
Sauce for the Goose
"What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use.Too many whites are getting away with drug sales. Too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too."-- Rush Limbaugh show, Oct. 5, 1995Link
Off His Meds
Thu-Oct 09 2003
Bwaa Ha Ha
It occured to me that if Gray Davis wanted to be really evil and turn California into more of a circus on mescaline than it already is he could resign as governor. Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamante would then become governor before the recall is certified and Schwarzenegger sworn in. I'm no expert on the California constitution, but you could then at least somewhat plausibly argue that the recall is moot because Davis is no longer in office and Bustamante is legally governor. At least it's fun to imagine all the fuss and furor.
The Difference Between Rain and Showers
According to KOMO (home of 24-hour news, traffic, and weather-unless something important like baseball happens):
While the Hong Kong Observatory regards the matter a little more scientifically:
Rain comes from stratiform clouds (e.g. Stratus, Nimbostratus), lasts longer with constant intensity.
Just who pays for the Seattle police to direct traffic for the downtown Honda dealership? And why doesn't the dealership just switch the entrance and exit to avoid this problem?
I'd love to live on the top floor of this place.
Wed-Oct 08 2003
Tue-Oct 07 2003
He just sat on his hands and hoped it would all go away...
For the last ten days we've known that two senior administration officials blew the cover of an undercover CIA employee for some mix of retribution and political gamesmanship.That's the question: why did it take an official CIA request for the White House to take the felonious exposure of an intelligence operative tasked with preventing the spread of WMDs seriously? Tough on crime indeed.
Sun-Oct 05 2003
"Welcome to the uncut 'Reservoir Dogs' on A&E" my ass. "Fuck You" is "Poor You" and "Motherfucker" has improbably changed to "Mother Hubbard". Who the poor says "Mother Hubbard"? But "Asshole" survives just fine.
"Jackie Brown" was on FX yesterday and "Kill Bill pt.1" starts Friday. Hmmmm
Back From Exile
It's nice to see the Dixie Chicks doing a Nestea commercial.
Does it mean anything that the Sci-Fi channel is showing having a 3-movie Schwarzenegger fest the day after the California recall?
Sat-Oct 04 2003
Comcast is now giving me 2 new channels-Eternal Word Television Network and Brigham Young University TV (aka Mormons). But what I really want is an all puppy channel.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
The third layer is where the darkness truly lurks, and where the deadly importance of this situation lies. Valerie Plame was not simply an analyst or a data cruncher. She was an operative running a network dedicated to tracking any person or nation that might try to give weapons of mass destruction to terrorists. That sentence deserves to be written twice. She was an operative running a network dedicated to tracking any person or nation that might try to give weapons of mass destruction to terrorists.Link
Via Ethel The Blog
Fri-Oct 03 2003
"He speaks well, he's well-read, but he's an idiot."
Wed-Oct 01 2003
The Bumpers, They Speak to Me
I've noticed "All Who Wander Are Not Lost" bumper stickers almost every day for the last couple of weeks. I don't know if they are suddenly more popular or if I'm just more sensitive to them. I do know that it's a Tolkien Quote