"If you understood everything I said, you'd be me" - Miles Davis
"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge." - Bertrand Russell
"Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government." - Lenny Bruce
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson

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A non-walking cliche
Those old sayings have a grain of truth in them. I actually saw someone today who could not chew gum and walk at the same time. Oh, I suppose technically he was walking, but his intense mastication so consumed his meager brainpower that he was only taking a step every 2 seconds-try it yourself-he was damn slow. I started to hope he would forget to breathe.

Doing the Geek
When I started this blog I didn't plan ahead. The nomenclature I used for my posts only used 2 digits, which only allowed for 100 posts before numerical order wouldn't equal calender order. Being somewhat anal, this bugged me. I could convert my posts on my computer to a 3 digit system with mvgp, but once uploaded to Blarg the fixed posts would all have one new date-a bad thing indeed. Solution? Upload mvgp to Blarg and use it there, duplicating the changes on my home computer. I for one bow down to my open-source script overlords.

Still not getting over it
"It has never been proven that Osama bin Laden masterminded the September 11 attacks. It has never been proven that the simultaneous hijacking of four commercial airliners was accomplished by nineteen Islamic fundamentalists wielding box-cutters. It has never been proven that the purported pilots had the training or the ability to perform complex aeronautic maneuvers in unwieldy passenger jets. It has never been proven that it was a passenger jet that struck the Pentagon. It has never been proven that the total collapse of the Twin Towers was due solely to the airplane crashes and resulting fires. It has never been proven that the failure to act on numerous warnings of the coming attacks was due simply to bureaucratic incompetence. It has never been proven that there is any innocent explanation for the stand-down of U.S. air defenses on that day. It has never been proven or revealed who exactly it was that placed heavy bets on Wall Street that United Airlines and American Airlines stocks were about to take a dump. It has never been proven that there is a perfectly benign explanation for why the commander-in-chief of U.S. armed forces chose to continue reading with schoolchildren well after live television coverage had informed the entire world that the U.S. was under attack. It has never been proven that there is any precedent for the actions taken by the Secret Service, who - tasked with protecting the president at all costs - allowed him to continue reading with schoolchildren at a known location that had been announced by the media in advance and that was entirely vulnerable to attack. It has never been proven that Osama bin Laden was in Afghanistan at any time during the (continuing) assault on that country. It has never been proven that Osama bin Laden is estranged from his family, which, of course, has longtime financial ties to the Bush family.

In fact, there are precious few, if any, aspects of the official story that have ever been, or will ever be, proven. It is just another theory that posits a conspiracy among certain individuals to commit horrendous crimes -- a conspiracy theory, by any reasonable interpretation."


I've got to get a referer log
The Top 50 Hanne.net Search Strings of 2002

A Good Thing
Ricky Jay is doing voice work for Cisco Systems commercials. Nice to see him getting paid. I'm big fan of unlikely people doing commercials-I almost fell out of my chair when I heard Iggy Pop doing a somber airline spot aimed at businessmen.

Hulk Blog Now
Sunday, December 22, 2002
Hulk needs to lay off the booze. Six bottle of Jack Daniels make Hulk dizzy.

posted by Incredible Hulk 12:41 AM
Via Metafilter

Anti-war March Signs
Bush/Cheney: Malice in Blunderland Who would Jesus bomb? Let's bomb Texas, they have oil too. How did our oil get under their sand? If you can't pronounce it, don't bomb it. 1000 points of light and one dim bulb. Preemptive impeachment. Frodo has failed, Bush has the ring. . Draft Richard Perle. Draft dodgers shouldn't start wars. War is sweet to those who haven't tasted it (Erasmus). Different Bush, same shit. Bushes are for pissing on. Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld: the asses of evil. Stop the excess of evil [gives figures for the multibillion dollar defense budget]. $1 billion a day to kill people -- what a bargain. Consume --> Consume --> Bomb --> Bomb --> Consume --> Consume What's the difference between me & God? He might forgive Bush, but I won't. Don't make me come back here [to a peace rally] again. Big brother isn't coming -- he's already here. Mainstream white guys for peace. (Sign held by three mainstream-looking white guys) Hans Blix -- look over here. Let Exxon send their own troops. There's a terrorist behind every Bush. How many bodies per mile? SUV owners roll over for terrorism. War is so 20th century! 9-11-01: 15 Saudis, 0 Iraqis. Don't waive your rights while waving your flag. Drop Bush not bombs. Fighting for peace is like f___ing for virginity. I asked for universal health care and all I got was this lousy stealth bomber. War is not a family value. Colorfully dressed drag queen carrying a sign that says: I am the bomb. Peace symbol; slogan: back by popular demand. Bush with a red-stained upper lip; slogan:: Got blood? Bush saying "Ask me about my lobotomy." A menacing soldier pointing his rifle/bayonet toward the viewer; slogan: Say it! One Nation under God. Say it! Don't blame me, I voted with the majority. Buck Fush! It's NUCLEAR, not NUCULAR, you idiot! Patriots are idiots? Matriarchy Now! Resistance is Fertile. Sheep carrying flags; slogan: Stop Mad Sheep Disease Now. UFW sign; slogan: Pick Fruit, not Fights. It's the oil, stupid. Read between the Pipelines Smart weapons, Dumb president. The only thing we have to fear is Bush himself. How many Lives per Gallon? Star Spangled Bummer.
Stolen Wholesale from Alternet

We are now at condition Ernie

Via The People's Republic of Seabrook

Short thoughts and profanties concerning driving

Why the fuck did you buy a Miata if you're going to drive 58 in the express lanes?

You no signal, I no yield

Running red lights is bad, stupid. and dangerous. But I'll take official attempts to crack down on it a lot more seriously the minute I see a cop writing a city bus driver a ticket.

My nightmare is being stuck behind an elderly tourist who's lost.

It's a right turn, not brain surgery.

My traffic mantra: go through the fucking light, go THROUGH the fucking light....

Failing to sufficiently signal a left turn against traffic should be grounds for impoundment, maybe impaling.

Too Cool
TricksWithHats.Org -How to contact-juggle hats. There are even brands of hats specially made for juggling. I could do with a couple of cool tricks but all I have is a baseball cap-We'll see.
Via #!/usr/bin/girl

Better than "Tenent Badness"
I saw "Resident Evil" on cable the other night. I must say I was pleasantly surprised. While no classic, I was never bored or insulted. And I must say that Germans do know their set design-the movie looks amazing, even on my pawnshop-special tv. Milla Jovovich makes an impressive action heroine-she's as cute as a chinese baby yet she exudes such a sense of intelligence and will that you never wonder what a supermodel is doing fighting zombies. The plot has some nice twists involving temporary amnesia and it blows up real good. The only thing that bugged me was how dense the hot-shot special forces-types were about how to go about killing zombies. If I had a nice shiny automatic weapon and it's clear that my by-the-book center-of-mass body shots are not killing my opponents it wouldn't take another character providing exposition a 1/2 hour later before I tried shooting the damn things in the head.

Speaking of Zombies
Why don't they ever attack each other?

And what happens to a vampire if you blow their head off with a shotgun?
Just wondering

Breaking out the Crystal Ball
Looking at a lunar calendar, and assuming the military would prefer to seize oilfields when it is real dark, I'm predicting Gulf War II will start either around March 2nd or March 31st.

An Annotated Overview of the Foreign Policy Segments of President George W. Bush's State of the Union Address
"We also see Iranian citizens risking intimidation and death as they speak out for liberty and human rights and democracy. Iranians, like all people, have a right to choose their own government and determine their own destiny -- and the United States supports their aspirations to live in freedom."

It was the United States, through its Central Intelligence Agency, that overthrew Iran's last democratic government, ousting Prime Minister Mohammed Mossadegh in 1953. As his replacement, the U.S. brought in from exile the tyrannical Shah, who embarked upon a 26-year reign of terror. The United States armed and trained his brutal secret police - known as the SAVAK - which jailed, tortured and murdered tens of thousands of Iranians struggling for their freedom. The Islamic revolution was a direct consequence of this U.S.-backed repression since the Shah successfully destroyed much of the democratic opposition. In addition, the repressive theocratic rulers that gained power following the Islamic Revolution that ousted the Shah were clandestinely given military support by the U.S. government during the height of their repression during the 1980s. As a result, there is serious question regarding the United States' support for the freedom of the Iranian people.
Via Craig's BookNotes, you really should go there.

So You Wanna Go To War-A young person's guide to understanding ShrubCo's murderous attack on Iraq, and whomever else
Where do babies come from? Why does the sun go away at night? Does Saddam Hussein really deserve a swarm of painful rectal polyps followed by utter screaming death at the hands of the Great Liberator? Why do old people shrink?

Why are evildoers always so oily? Why is that priest being so nice to me? Why are we launching yet another unwinnable war? What's nuclear nonproliferation? Isn't it pronounced "nuclear" and not "nukuler"? Is Barney the Dinosaur gay?

Is Dick Cheney actually alive? Why is Mr. Rumsfeld so black eyed and sneering, and why does Mr. Ashcroft always look like he just swallowed a moldy slug and why is the world now run by cadres of crusty tight-lipped warmongering hawks? How about Spongebob? Is he gay? He sure seems gay.

These are the questions your children want to know. Future generations will want to know. Maybe you, too, want to know. But of course, you can't know. Isn't that cute? Isn't that patriotic? Of course it is.

Via Craig's BookNotes

One Day In March
"You also take the city down. By that I mean you get rid of their power, water."
I'm all for convincing the Iraqi military to surrender, but just like the last Gulf War, deliberately targeting a city's water supply or sewer operations is a plain and simple war crime.
Via Metafilter

The Privacy Commissioner of Canada-Annual Report to Parliament 2001-2002
It is my duty, in this Annual Report, to present a solemn and urgent warning to every Member of Parliament and Senator, and indeed to every Canadian:

The fundamental human right of privacy in Canada is under assault as never before. Unless the Government of Canada is quickly dissuaded from its present course by Parliamentary action and public insistence, we are on a path that may well lead to the permanent loss not only of privacy rights that we take for granted but also of important elements of freedom as we now know it.

We face this risk because of the implications, both individual and cumulative, of a series of initiatives that the Government has mounted or is actively moving toward. These initiatives are set against the backdrop of September 11, and anti-terrorism is their purported rationale. But the aspects that present the greatest threat to privacy either have nothing at all to do with anti-terrorism, or they present no credible promise of effectively enhancing security.

The Government is, quite simply, using September 11 as an excuse for new collections and uses of personal information about all of us Canadians that cannot be justified by the requirements of anti-terrorism and that, indeed, have no place in a free and democratic society.

I wish we had a Privacy Commissioner.
Via Boing Boing