"If you understood everything I said, you'd be me" - Miles Davis
"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge." - Bertrand Russell
"Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government." - Lenny Bruce
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson
The Other Utility Fog
They link to me, I link to them, They link to me...
Safety Warning. Not for use as a stroller. May contain parts. Manufactured in a facility where one or more of the following may be present: Peanuts, almonds, unfiltered water, oxygen, ultaviolet and infrared radiation, sunlight. Use only as directed by your legal counsel. Do not use during earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, flooding or presidential election years. Use of handles may promote RSI, see your doctor or therapist before opening. May be flammable when exposed to open flame. Not for use as a stepping stool or adult seat. May cause injury if dropped from a height. Does not enable user to fly. Do not eat. If erection lasts for over 4 hours call friends and brag. Persons attempting to find a motive in this blog will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. We don't need no stinkin' badges. Same-day service. Unplug after use. Slippery when wet. Ignore this notice. Use only as directed. Consume in moderation. Lather, rinse, repeat. Your mileage may vary. For external use only. Don't try this at home. No purchase is necessary. You must be present to win. Do not think of an elephant. Other restrictions may apply. Apply only to affected areas. Part of a daily balanced diet. No shirt, no shoes, no service. You need not be present to win. No user-serviceable parts inside. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Offer void where prohibited by law. Do not remove under penalty of law. You have the right to remain silent. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Valid only at participating locations. Freshest if used before date specified. Prices subject to change without notice. Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate. Contents may have settled during shipment. Caution! The edge is closer than you think. In emergency, break glass, pull down handle. Product is sold by weight and not by volume. Do not use if safety seal is torn or missing. If condition persists, consult your physician. Detach and include upper portion with payment. Nutritional need is not established in humans. Objects on screen are closer than they appear. Satisfaction guaranteed; return for full refund. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. May be used as flotation device in case of emergency. Please note locations of emergency exits upon arrival. No animals were harmed in the production of this page. Caution: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Please leave as clean on leaving as you would like to find on entering. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Do not use if you have ever had an allergic reaction to this product or any of its ingredients.
Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs.
The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogsphere, ISP?s or other features, natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on the Web. E-commerce is not the mall. It can be, and is, steep, slippery and dangerous. Web features made or enhanced by humans, such as firewalls and spam filters (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. The web is unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.
Stay on trusted sites whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and an APU at all times.
Ads for things you don't want and other objectionable content can arrive from nowhere. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people around you that are being used as bots. Spam and disgusting images of all sizes, including huge images, can arrive, or pop-up with no warning. Use of spam filters is advised for anyone approaching the Internet. They can be purchased or rented from us. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on a port you left open. A whole DOS attack might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.
Public opinion can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra damage control, including press releases. Ticking off the blogsphere can kill you. The Streisand effect can turn a simple nastygram into a deathtrap.
If you make hasty comments about those in high places (making unsupported comments that reduce the image of a person, often posted quickly and without thinking) without proper thought and, or allow your employees to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be sued for libel. It happens all the time.
We do not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people on the web, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly malware and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.
If you surf at work, you may become pre-occupied with it. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, surfing at work is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, surf at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not track how much time you surf at work (although we could if we wanted to.) As far as we know, your employer may find out and send you plunging to unemployment. There are countless tons of loose management staff ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the Web, and elsewhere on the Internet. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.
Rescue services are not provided by us, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local computer geeks may not be equipped for or trained in hard drive recovery. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to get rid of a virus or find that deleted file, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes your local computer store. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.
By entering our site, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THIS SITE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!
Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
Caution: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour.
Consumer Notice: Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Known as 'Tunneling,' This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain Suggested Versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting This Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a 'Gluing' Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are 'Rolled Up' into Such a Small 'Area' That They Cannot Be Detected.
Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
Important Notice to Purchasers: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Reemerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot be Guaranteed.
Use inside a nuclear power facility voids warranty.
Tue-May 31 2005
I installed the Greasemonkey and Platypus extensions to Firefox. Right off the bat I was able to modify Bloglines so that the frames are resizable. No more (or at least a lot less) text running off past the side of the frame. Now I'm wondering if I could set it so the text wraps around, because that would be a lot more elegant.
Mon-May 30 2005
From a WB promo for a new show: "From the daring mind of Ashton Kutcher"
Oh crap, he's getting paid to think?!
Sun-May 29 2005
But We're The Good Guys
"n contrast, intelligent-design theorists invoke shadowy entities that conveniently have whatever unconstrained abilities are needed to solve the mystery at hand. Rather than expanding scientific inquiry, such answers shut it down. (How does one disprove the existence of omnipotent intelligences?)15 Answers to Creationist Nonsense
Via Q Daily News
Sat-May 28 2005
I Have Issues
I liked the "Alias" season finale (zombies!), but I'm still puzzled by Elena (or Yelena) Devevko's motive, or lack thereof. Just why is she trying to turn 400 million people all over the world into raving, homicidal maniacs? She doesn't get paid, she doesn't get to rule the world, she doesn't even become the queen of the zombies. If she just wants to destroy everything I think we deserve some supervillain exposition.
Tue-May 24 2005
I can only hope to someday rant as well as Kung Fu Monkey:
"This administration -- the guys who threw out the Geneva Convention (fact - and proudly, just ask the AG); sends prisoners to countries so they can be tortured (factitty fact fact); and put into place policies which led to images of Muslim men, 70-90% of whom were innocent according to the Department of Defense, being electroshocked , dog attacked, and bound naked, these images being spread worldwide -- these guys claim Newsweek is damaging America's image abroad?
Dogs Are Good
I love Dogblog. Two Samples:
The Bandanna Brothers here just want everyone who visits this place to feel right at home, especially if every visitor's home contains two really happy dogs who want to play catch so bad they're practically giving off sparks.
This guy is ready. He's ready for his game. He's got his ball and he's just waiting for his owner to come back outside and they are going to wreck some shit. He's got his ball, and he is prepared. Without that collar on, he is so streamlined, he's beyond motion. He makes a greased-up otter look like a manatee's fat, cough-syrup-addicted momma in steel-belted army boots. This right here is the truest thing that has ever been said anywhere on the internet. I know this.
Mon-May 23 2005
Funniest Thing I Read Today
"Britney's overprotective bodyguard and her Gaysian hairdresser should immediately be signed up for their own reality show, in which they crisscross the country in an RV and assist small-town sheriffs in solving petty crimes. Make it happen, UPN."I would watch it, at least once.
Sun-May 22 2005
We Kept The Receipts
"The United States administration turned a blind eye to extensive sanctions-busting in the prewar sale of Iraqi oil, according to a new Senate investigation.Link
I Love A Good Rant
MP George Galloway testifies before Senate sub-committee on investigations
"Now, senator, I gave my heart and soul to oppose the policy that you promoted. I gave my political life's blood to try to stop the mass killing of Iraqis by the sanctions on Iraq, which killed a million Iraqis, most of them children. Most of them died before they even knew that they were Iraqis, but they died for no other reason other than that they were Iraqis, With the misfortune to be born at that time. I gave my heart and soul to stop you committing the disaster that you did commit in invading Iraq.Link
A British editorial, wherein the author likes the speech, but not the speaker:
"They were at it again, amazingly enough, in the US Senate's Dirksen Building on Capitol Hill in Washington last week. Clearly, the sub-committee on investigations, chaired by Republican senator Norm Coleman, thought they had a live one.
Sat-May 21 2005
In Every Dream Blog A Heartbreak
Why Roxy Music still matters.
Via The Big Mobodaddy and Google Alerts
Thu-May 19 2005
This is Bonnie. She's a bookstore dog. To her I'm not making deliveries, I'm the nice man who drops by 3 times a week to pet her and call her "sweetie". This is the look I get when I have to leave.
Alright! A frigging beached ship. You know it's got to be a pirate ship. Arr Mateys, there be pirates ahoy!
Wed-May 18 2005
Tue-May 17 2005
Blogito Ergo Sum
Via Adventures of Accordian Guy...
You Big Kidder
Rumsfeld on the Newsweek/Koran Desecretion mess:
"People lost their lives, people are dead and that's unfortunate,Yup, people need to be careful. Like being careful to not mislead the country into an unnecessary war or not doing proper planning for the war's aftermath. People shouldn't do things like that, because then people could get killed.
And why should those crazy Muslims even believe we would even do such a thing?:
Mon-May 16 2005
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression
"1. Dummy up. If it's not reported, if it's not news, it didn't happen.Link
Sun-May 15 2005
Fri-May 13 2005
Once again I'm taken aback by the excellent programming on the American Movie Classics cable channel. I'm sure cinephiles everywhere are glued to tonight's broadcast of the sensitively nuanced Chuck Norris back-to-Vietnam-yet-AGAIN shoot-and-chop-'em-up "Braddock: Missing In Action 3".
Thu-May 12 2005
Here Comes The Coup
" Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Sunday that foreign oil companies working in the country must pay taxes he insists they owe the country, or else leave the country.Link
Via The Sideshow
"* Rumsfeld's eagerness to use Iraq as a test bed for his transformation of the military was a disaster. While the US handled stage one capably, his indifferent to disorder set the stage for stage two.Link
Wed-May 11 2005
"Climate change researchers have detected the first signs of a slowdown in the Gulf Stream - the mighty ocean current that keeps Britain and Europe from freezing.Say goodnight Gracie Link
"'I've written repeatedly about how the entire club experience is a sham -- a show put on for you, by us, for the sole purpose of separating you from your money as expeditiously and efficiently as we can suck it out of your pockets. Trust me, you're not cool. We're all so thoroughly jaded by this business that we legitimately dislike you as soon as you strut through our doors. You prance past in your silk shirt, give me your ultracool handshake and slip me a twenty, and you won't get five paces into the VIP room before I'm rolling my eyes at Johnny and shaking my head in disgust. We're selling you a dream, albeit an unhealthy, distorted, delusional one bereft of any redeeming value whatsoever, rotting from the inside out. The bouncers don't like you, those gorgeous female bartenders think you're a tool, and we all want 4 AM to come around as quickly and painlessly as possible so we can get our little envelopes full of cash and go the fuck home."I never would have thought I would be as interested in the musings of a NYC bouncer. But this guy has great stories, and he can damn well write.
Sun-May 08 2005
"Open Letter to Anyone Who Gives a Shit About JusticeIt gets better (and worse) from there
"The Extra Action Marching Band exists in a world between traditional marching band and ecstatic turmoil. This generously-portioned, smartly-attired group of up to 40 performers include a hypnotic drum corps, a smoking horn section, a bullhorn virtuoso, an aggressively friendly pep squadron, and a sultry flag team who, although not famous for their good taste, know how to work the crowd into a high state of horny hilarity with their graceful, in-your-face stunts and dizzying routines. Together the group delivers a deliriously engaging show with an emphasis on torrid rhythm, spontaneous and unrestrained expression, thunderous upheaval, and remote-controlling the collective ass of crowds everywhere. Extra Action: a frightfully charming parade happening anytime, anyplace, anticipated or not! No venue too large or too small."Trust San Francisco to mutate the marching band into something I would actually enjoy
"Congressional passage of the "Real ID" legislation is now all but a done deal, House and Senate conferees having agreed to inclusion of language in an appropriations bill that is all but certain to pass.Link on Bruce Sterling's Blog
Background at Politech
House approves Real ID Act;One Democrat's Objections
Keep The US Out Of My Computer (And Tivo)
" In a unanimous decision, the DC Circuit Court of Appeals tossed out the broadcast flag, the FCC rule that would have crippled digital television receivers starting July 1. The ruling came in ALA v. FCC, a challenge brought by Public Knowledge, EFF, Consumers Union, the Consumer Federation of America, the American Library Association, the Association of Research Libraries, the American Association of Law Libraries, the Medical Library Association, and the Special Libraries Association.This is very good news.
My Corner Office
I've succeeded in creating a page using Bash-CGI that gives links to all blog posts that have comments. It's really neat to create a program that generates HTML on the fly. I'm wondering what else I could do with this.
Fri-May 06 2005
"Benton Harbor Superintendent Paula Dawning cited the song's allegedly raunchy lyrics in ordering the McCord Middle School band not to perform it in Saturday's Grand Floral Parade, held as part of the Blossomtime Festival.When "Louie Louie" is outlawed, only outlaws will have "Louie Louie". This story could only get dumber if Paula thought the song might turn kids gay. That sound you hear is my eyes rolling violently.
Via Boing Boing!
"As an interactive installation, Mocean invites members of the audience to touch, stir and play with water in a clear tank. The movement of the water is translated into movement of air in a large array of 19th-century organ pipes suspended above the water. The sound of the organ pipes envelops the person stirring up the water, its movement echoing the waves and ripples in the tank."As soon as I read about this I instantly thought "it needs goldfish", or those funky Japanese Koi fish. "Wanna come on over and listen to my aquarium play the organ?"
Thu-May 05 2005
The one thing my comments system ( Pollxn ) lacks is a way to let me know if someone has posted a comment. I can check via ftp but that's inelegant and it doesn't provide a way to read the comment or the associated post. So I've written a Bash-CGI page to do the looking for me. The next step is to do some parsing so that the links open the blog post.
Wed-May 04 2005
Tue-May 03 2005
"Talking tough, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice informed North Korea on Monday the United States is able to defend itself and its allies against nuclear and missile threats.1: Clearly we can't deter them from making and testing missles, or making nuclear weapons.
2: Deterrence only works against someone rational. The North Koreans aren't dumb, but if you look up "loose cannon" in the dictionary you see this:
"Federal judges are a more serious threat to America than Al Qaeda and the Sept. 11 terrorists, the Rev. Pat Robertson claimed yesterday.Pat, Pat, Pat-If anyone is a member of an oligarchy it's you. And destroying out nation's fabric (like the separation of Church and State) is your big thing. I can see where you might be worried: secular humanism must be a very dangerous and infectious meme if republican appointed federal judges are drinking the kool-aid. You better be careful, you might be next. And what do have against people with beards?
Mon-May 02 2005
The News, Search/Reference, Science-Fiction, and Strange links pages have been cleaned of dead links, updated with new links, and redesigned. Woohoo!
Sun-May 01 2005