Stick your feet into Homer Simpson's head
Via Slumbering Lungfish
"If you understood everything I said, you'd be me" - Miles Davis
"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge." - Bertrand Russell
"Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government." - Lenny Bruce
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson
The Other Utility Fog
They link to me, I link to them, They link to me...
Safety Warning. Not for use as a stroller. May contain parts. Manufactured in a facility where one or more of the following may be present: Peanuts, almonds, unfiltered water, oxygen, ultaviolet and infrared radiation, sunlight. Use only as directed by your legal counsel. Do not use during earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, flooding or presidential election years. Use of handles may promote RSI, see your doctor or therapist before opening. May be flammable when exposed to open flame. Not for use as a stepping stool or adult seat. May cause injury if dropped from a height. Does not enable user to fly. Do not eat. If erection lasts for over 4 hours call friends and brag. Persons attempting to find a motive in this blog will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. We don't need no stinkin' badges. Same-day service. Unplug after use. Slippery when wet. Ignore this notice. Use only as directed. Consume in moderation. Lather, rinse, repeat. Your mileage may vary. For external use only. Don't try this at home. No purchase is necessary. You must be present to win. Do not think of an elephant. Other restrictions may apply. Apply only to affected areas. Part of a daily balanced diet. No shirt, no shoes, no service. You need not be present to win. No user-serviceable parts inside. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Offer void where prohibited by law. Do not remove under penalty of law. You have the right to remain silent. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Valid only at participating locations. Freshest if used before date specified. Prices subject to change without notice. Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate. Contents may have settled during shipment. Caution! The edge is closer than you think. In emergency, break glass, pull down handle. Product is sold by weight and not by volume. Do not use if safety seal is torn or missing. If condition persists, consult your physician. Detach and include upper portion with payment. Nutritional need is not established in humans. Objects on screen are closer than they appear. Satisfaction guaranteed; return for full refund. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. May be used as flotation device in case of emergency. Please note locations of emergency exits upon arrival. No animals were harmed in the production of this page. Caution: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Please leave as clean on leaving as you would like to find on entering. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Do not use if you have ever had an allergic reaction to this product or any of its ingredients.
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Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
Caution: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour.
Consumer Notice: Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Known as 'Tunneling,' This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain Suggested Versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting This Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
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Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a 'Gluing' Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are 'Rolled Up' into Such a Small 'Area' That They Cannot Be Detected.
Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
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Use inside a nuclear power facility voids warranty.
Sun-Nov 30 2003
Fri-Nov 28 2003
Feline in the Fedora-the reviews
"This screened too late for us to review, so in the interest of fairness all we can say is that we're pretty sure it's gonna suck." -- Film Shorts, THE STRANGERLink
An Englishman named Thomas Coryate brought the first forks back to England after seeing them in Italy during his travels in 1608. The English ridiculed forks as being effeminate and unnecessary. "Why should a person need a fork when God had given him hands?" they asked. Slowly, however, forks came to be adopted by the wealthy. They were prized possessions made of expensive materials intended to impress guests. Small, slender-handled forks with two tines were generally used for sweet, sticky foods or for food (like mulberries) which was likely to stain the fingers. By the mid 1600s, eating with forks like those to the right was considered fashionable among wealthy British. Forks used solely for dining were luxuries and thus markers of social status and sophistication among nobles.The history of eating utensils.
There are pictures. Via Deepfun
Wed-Nov 26 2003
The limit of my curiosity
I"ve just realized I really don't care what the difference is between tea and chai.
Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds
* Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
* The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
* Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
* 'Standing Tall for America' means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
* A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
* Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
* Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
* If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
* HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
* Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
* Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
* Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.
* A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
* The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
* You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
* What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
* Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
Mon-Nov 24 2003
Porky Pig should not be eating bacon-that is just so wrong.
Wed-Nov 19 2003
Hey Hey We're the Gert Jonnys
Viva cruelly pointed out some of the fug-ugliest Swedish bands ever unfortunately photographed.
Sun-Nov 16 2003
On the other hand, I hear the beaches are nice
Malaysia will restrict the importation or publishing of books judged to be too scary because they could be a bad influence, a minister said.Funny, that's exactly how I feel about GW's speeches.
Fri-Nov 14 2003
Dear KIRO-7 TV News: Bite ME
If the police have a warning they "urgently need" me to hear don't tease me at 9:30pm to get me to watch your 11pm newscast. KIRO is the National Enquirer of Seattle TV News, which isn't easy, considering the intense competition in the race to the bottom.
The Ten Commandments: The Basis of America's Laws.
"It seems like every other day I hear another story about the ACLU suing some school district or county court for displaying the Ten Commandments. Don't they know our laws and our entire system of justice are based on the Judeo-Christian Ten Commandments?
Thu-Nov 13 2003
Suggested Bush/Cheney '04 bumper stickers
Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars!
Bush/Cheney '04: Assimilate. Resistance is Futile.
Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough.
Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism
Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind
Bush/Cheney '04: Or Else.
Bush/Cheney '04: Over a billion Whoppers served.
Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in conservatism
Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not paying attention.
Bush/Cheney '04: The economy's stupid!
Bush/Cheney '04: The last vote you'll ever have to cast.
George W. Bush: It takes a village idiot
George W. Bush: Leadership without a doubt
George W. Bush: The buck stops Over There
Bush/Cheney '04: This time, elect us!
Via wood's lot
People are Strange
I saw the damndest thing while driving today. I was on a long straight 4 lane road and behind a car in the right hand lane. The car had it's right turn signal on, so I thought they were going to turn. But after about a quarter of mile it was clear that the driver had just forgotten to turn the signal off. No big deal, that can happen to anybody. But then they turned off the signal and moved from the right lane to the left, without a left signal. And then came the good part: the right turn signal came back on and they kept driving, blinking away.
Jumping The Shark
It's all downhill from here: ST:Enterprise is doing a Wild West episode.
Wed-Nov 12 2003
Seen: REM guitarist at bookstore
Heard: <50ish woman with way more money than sense> "Dragons are a myth, right?"
24: Another mole? I would think they could think of another plot device.
Alias: I miss all the Rambaldi mumbo-jumbo, though the transformed evil black spy going all terminator after being shot has potential.
Vernor Vinge has spoiled most science fiction for me. Now every time I run across an advanced civilization I have to wonder why they haven't hit a the Singularity.
Mon-Nov 10 2003
Viagra Spam Subject: "Bush Dead!"
Sun-Nov 09 2003
Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.
Wan moaning, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder inset. "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groinmurder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers !"
"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft. Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof. " Wail, wail, wail ! " set disk wicket woof, "Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard ladle basking?"
"Armor goring tumor groin-murder's," reprisal ladle gull. "Grammar's seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter an shirker cockles."
"O hoe! Heifer gnats woke," setter wicket woof, butter taught tomb shelf, "Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den - O bore!"
Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinney retched a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. En inner flesh, disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet, paunched honor pore oil worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet ammonol pot honor groin-murder's nut cup an gnat-gun, any curdled ope inner bet.
Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar cordage, an ranker dough ball. "Comb ink, sweat hard," setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse. Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity betrum an stud buyer groin~murder's bet.
"O Grammar !" crater ladle gull historically, "Water bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice!"
"Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard," setter bloat-Thursday woof, wetter wicket small honors phase.
"O Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture anomolous prognosis!"
"Battered small your whiff, doling," whiskered dole woof, ants mouse worse waddling.
"O Grammar, water bag mouser gut ! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!"
Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull's lest warts. Oil offer sodden, caking offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet, disk hoard hoarded woof lipped own pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut an garbled erupt.
Mural: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers.
I Got That Going for Me
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.CarlSpackler.com
Via Bellona Times
I Must Have Missed This On ESPN
The wife-carrying concept dates back to a Finnish fellow named Rankainen the Robber, who was apparently quite picky about staffing issues. In addition to providing a detailed résumé and three references, deputy thieves were required to complete a set of rigorous activities with heavy sacks on their backs. How this morphed into carrying women on their backs remains a little murky, but the important thing to remember is that modern wife-carrying events are not just sexist freak shows staged for the benefit of the sponsors.Link
Thu-Nov 06 2003
Nothing to See Here
Attorneys for the U.S. government recently asked a federal judge for a court order to allow an FBI "computer specialist" to remove from "any computer hard drives" certain public court records that the government was seeking to have sealed due to alleged national security concerns.Yea right-nothing unusual going on here, what with the sealed court records and the attempts to pry open ANY computer that has copies of those files. Does anybody else hit Google and hunt down information the government wants to keep secret and download it, or is it just me? CFAC has the offending documents here and here.
All Hail the Sterlingator
Noted raconteur, bon vivant, and all around hep cat The BigMoboDaddy has kindly clued me in that Bruce Sterling has a new blog. I highly recommend all of Mr. Sterling's work, whether on the web or in print.
Tue-Nov 04 2003
Reason #2 To Have a Digital Camera...
Here we are in Fremont (a neighborhood of Seattle) at about 4:20pm. Rush hour has started and this street is very busy. And who is parked in a spot designed to be clear at this time of day? Why, it's a BMW. Why am I not surprised?
Mon-Nov 03 2003
"Honestly, it's a little tougher than I thought it was going to be," Lott said. In a sign of frustration, he offered an unorthodox military solution: "If we have to, we just mow the whole place down, see what happens. You're dealing with insane suicide bombers who are killing our people, and we need to be very aggressive in taking them out."Great, Trent's taking his cues from Metallica albums now.