"If you understood everything I said, you'd be me" - Miles Davis
"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge." - Bertrand Russell
"Take away the right to say fuck and you take away the right to say fuck the government." - Lenny Bruce
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson

Utility Fog Banner

Stick your feet into Homer Simpson's head
Via Slumbering Lungfish

Feline in the Fedora-the reviews
"This screened too late for us to review, so in the interest of fairness all we can say is that we're pretty sure it's gonna suck." -- Film Shorts, THE STRANGER

"Get out the flatware, mother--the Thanksgiving turkey has arrived!" -- Frank Swietek, ONE GUY'S OPINION

"Perhaps the worst holiday movie ever made." -- John Anderson, NEWSDAY

"An abomination, impure and simple." -- Joe Morgenstern, WALL STREET JOURNAL

"Critics are paid to suffer bad art, no matter how icky it is from the start. So all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! And we did not like it. Not one little bit." -- Manohla Dargis, LOS ANGELES TIMES

"Like being run over by a garbage truck that backs up and dumps its load on top of you." -- David Edelstein, SLATE

"If the producers had dug up Ted Geisel's body and hung it from a tree, they couldn't have desecrated the man more." -- Ty Burr, BOSTON GLOBER

"Crass and vulgar almost beyond belief." -- Charles Taylor, SALON.COM

"A vulgar, uninspired lump of poisoned eye candy." -- A. O. Scott, NEW YORK TIMES

"Comes scarily close to being the most unendurable Hollywood creation of the last dozen years." -- Michael Atkinson, VILLAGE VOICE

"Makes the Matrix sequels look like works of genius." -- Michael Sragow, BALTIMORE SUN

And my personal favorite:
"They may as well have skipped the hassle of securing licensing rights and simply called this mess Mike Myers: Asshole in Fur." -- Gregory Weinkauf, DALLAS OBSERVER

Historical Neatness
An Englishman named Thomas Coryate brought the first forks back to England after seeing them in Italy during his travels in 1608. The English ridiculed forks as being effeminate and unnecessary. "Why should a person need a fork when God had given him hands?" they asked. Slowly, however, forks came to be adopted by the wealthy. They were prized possessions made of expensive materials intended to impress guests. Small, slender-handled forks with two tines were generally used for sweet, sticky foods or for food (like mulberries) which was likely to stain the fingers. By the mid 1600s, eating with forks like those to the right was considered fashionable among wealthy British. Forks used solely for dining were luxuries and thus markers of social status and sophistication among nobles.
The history of eating utensils.
There are pictures. Via Deepfun

The limit of my curiosity
I"ve just realized I really don't care what the difference is between tea and chai.

Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds
* Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

* The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

* Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

* 'Standing Tall for America' means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

* A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

* Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

* Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

* If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

* HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

* Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

* Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

* Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.

* A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

* The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

* You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

* What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

* Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
Via Booknotes

Dear Wendy's
Porky Pig should not be eating bacon-that is just so wrong.

Hey Hey We're the Gert Jonnys
Viva cruelly pointed out some of the fug-ugliest Swedish bands ever unfortunately photographed.

On the other hand, I hear the beaches are nice
Malaysia will restrict the importation or publishing of books judged to be too scary because they could be a bad influence, a minister said.

The restrictions would apply to books with elements of mystery, fantasy, the occult and superstition that were ``calculated to entertain by frightening'' the reader, Deputy Home Minister Chor Chee Heung was quoted as saying Thursday in The Star newspaper.

``These materials will create an unhealthy picture on the minds of the readers, and influence them by such far-fetched ghostly stories,'' Chor was quoted as saying.
Funny, that's exactly how I feel about GW's speeches.
Via Bookslut

Them's Hairy Bunnies

Dear KIRO-7 TV News: Bite ME
If the police have a warning they "urgently need" me to hear don't tease me at 9:30pm to get me to watch your 11pm newscast. KIRO is the National Enquirer of Seattle TV News, which isn't easy, considering the intense competition in the race to the bottom.

Lets Look at the Numbers
Via booknotes

The Ten Commandments: The Basis of America's Laws.
"It seems like every other day I hear another story about the ACLU suing some school district or county court for displaying the Ten Commandments. Don't they know our laws and our entire system of justice are based on the Judeo-Christian Ten Commandments?

So, just to prove this to ourselves, let's examine each Commandment's influence on our laws in detail."


Suggested Bush/Cheney '04 bumper stickers
Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars!
Bush/Cheney '04: Assimilate. Resistance is Futile.
Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough.
Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism
Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind
Bush/Cheney '04: Or Else.
Bush/Cheney '04: Over a billion Whoppers served.
Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in conservatism
Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not paying attention.
Bush/Cheney '04: The economy's stupid!
Bush/Cheney '04: The last vote you'll ever have to cast.
George W. Bush: It takes a village idiot
George W. Bush: Leadership without a doubt
George W. Bush: The buck stops Over There
Bush/Cheney '04: This time, elect us!
Via wood's lot

People are Strange
I saw the damndest thing while driving today. I was on a long straight 4 lane road and behind a car in the right hand lane. The car had it's right turn signal on, so I thought they were going to turn. But after about a quarter of mile it was clear that the driver had just forgotten to turn the signal off. No big deal, that can happen to anybody. But then they turned off the signal and moved from the right lane to the left, without a left signal. And then came the good part: the right turn signal came back on and they kept driving, blinking away.

Jumping The Shark
It's all downhill from here: ST:Enterprise is doing a Wild West episode.

Seen: REM guitarist at bookstore

Heard: <50ish woman with way more money than sense> "Dragons are a myth, right?"

24: Another mole? I would think they could think of another plot device.

Alias: I miss all the Rambaldi mumbo-jumbo, though the transformed evil black spy going all terminator after being shot has potential.

Vernor Vinge has spoiled most science fiction for me. Now every time I run across an advanced civilization I have to wonder why they haven't hit a the Singularity.

Nice Try
Viagra Spam Subject: "Bush Dead!"

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder inset. "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groinmurder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers !"

"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft. Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof. " Wail, wail, wail ! " set disk wicket woof, "Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard ladle basking?"

"Armor goring tumor groin-murder's," reprisal ladle gull. "Grammar's seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter an shirker cockles."

"O hoe! Heifer gnats woke," setter wicket woof, butter taught tomb shelf, "Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den - O bore!"

Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinney retched a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. En inner flesh, disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet, paunched honor pore oil worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet ammonol pot honor groin-murder's nut cup an gnat-gun, any curdled ope inner bet.

Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar cordage, an ranker dough ball. "Comb ink, sweat hard," setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse. Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity betrum an stud buyer groin~murder's bet.

"O Grammar !" crater ladle gull historically, "Water bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice!"

"Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard," setter bloat-Thursday woof, wetter wicket small honors phase.

"O Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture anomolous prognosis!"

"Battered small your whiff, doling," whiskered dole woof, ants mouse worse waddling.

"O Grammar, water bag mouser gut ! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!"

Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull's lest warts. Oil offer sodden, caking offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet, disk hoard hoarded woof lipped own pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut an garbled erupt.

Mural: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers.

I Got That Going for Me
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
Via Bellona Times

I Must Have Missed This On ESPN
The wife-carrying concept dates back to a Finnish fellow named Rankainen the Robber, who was apparently quite picky about staffing issues. In addition to providing a detailed résumé and three references, deputy thieves were required to complete a set of rigorous activities with heavy sacks on their backs. How this morphed into carrying women on their backs remains a little murky, but the important thing to remember is that modern wife-carrying events are not just sexist freak shows staged for the benefit of the sponsors.
Via Bookslut

This site is certified 34% EVIL by the Gematriculator

Nothing to See Here
Attorneys for the U.S. government recently asked a federal judge for a court order to allow an FBI "computer specialist" to remove from "any computer hard drives" certain public court records that the government was seeking to have sealed due to alleged national security concerns.

The court records being targeted by the government are part of a civil-rights lawsuit filed by Lok Thye Lau -- a former FBI agent who claims he worked as an international spy for the Bureau. The court documents of concern to the U.S. government include the following:

* A Declaration filed by Lau that details his career as an FBI agent and includes the revelation that he conducted undercover work overseas "against hostile and aggressive foreign powers for years."
* Friend-of-the-court pleadings (an amicus curiae brief) filed by the League of United Latin American Citizens, one of the nation's oldest Hispanic civil rights groups.

The sweeping nature of the order sought by the government could have allowed FBI agents to scour the computers of the San Antonio Business Journal, which published a story based on the court documents while they were still public records. The order also could have allowed FBI agents to raid the computers of the California First Amendment Coalition (CFAC), which has placed the subject court records on the organization's Web site.
Kristin S. Door, the assistant U.S. Attorney defending the FBI against a civil-rights claim filed by Lau, described Lau's case as "pretty straight-forward."

"He (Lau) claims he was fired because he's Chinese, from Singapore, but he was fired because he shoplifted and then lied about it," Door said in a recent phone interview about the case.

Door adds that Lau's case "doesn't have all these mysterious cloak-and-dagger overtones that Mr. Lau is trying to convince everyone it does. It's a straight-forward disciplinary action."
Yea right-nothing unusual going on here, what with the sealed court records and the attempts to pry open ANY computer that has copies of those files. Does anybody else hit Google and hunt down information the government wants to keep secret and download it, or is it just me? CFAC has the offending documents here and here.

All Hail the Sterlingator
Noted raconteur, bon vivant, and all around hep cat The BigMoboDaddy has kindly clued me in that Bruce Sterling has a new blog. I highly recommend all of Mr. Sterling's work, whether on the web or in print.

Reason #2 To Have a Digital Camera...
Documenting Chuckleheads
Here we are in Fremont (a neighborhood of Seattle) at about 4:20pm. Rush hour has started and this street is very busy. And who is parked in a spot designed to be clear at this time of day? Why, it's a BMW. Why am I not surprised?

Surrealistic Meat Sculpture
meat car
What, you want commentary too?
Via Reality Carnival

Military Genius
"Honestly, it's a little tougher than I thought it was going to be," Lott said. In a sign of frustration, he offered an unorthodox military solution: "If we have to, we just mow the whole place down, see what happens. You're dealing with insane suicide bombers who are killing our people, and we need to be very aggressive in taking them out."
Great, Trent's taking his cues from Metallica albums now.